Bitter Memories
by NashMarquez
Summary: Horatio was haunted with nightmares. Would he do the unexpected or will he be leaving it behind? Just a tinge of DuCaine *ONE-SHOT*


**A/N : Hello! thank you for even giving this story a chance. i really appreciate this. Read and Review? :)**

"Horatio wake up!" Calleigh called out to Horatio who was shaking violently in his sleep. '_It must be a nightmare again.' _ She thought. "Horatio, wake up!" She called out again, this time, tapping gently on his shoulder.

Horatio shot up into a sitting position. He was perspiring all over. His shirt was soaked despite the air-conditioning in the room. "Wha-What ha-happened?" He asked, stuttering. He was rubbing his face and trying to dry the sweat off his face.

"You had a nightmare. It's the same one again isn't it?" Calleigh asked with a worried tone. Horatio just nodded his head and rushed straight to the toilet, closing and locking the door behind him. "Open the door Horatio. I can't let you do this alone. Please Horatio, open the door." There was no response behind the closed door. All Calleigh could hear is the sound of sniffling and whimpering. She knew Horatio was crying in there. The nightmares were getting to him and affecting him badly but he wouldn't tell Calleigh what it was.

"Horatio please. Just open the door for me. I won't hurt you and you know that." Calleigh tried to coax him into opening the door but to no avail. Horatio won't open the door no matter what she said. She had to think of an alternative. She can't watch Horatio hurt himself like this.

"GO AWAY!" Horatio bawled behind the door.

"You know I won't do that. I'm going to stay here until you open that door."

"I'M NOT GOING TO OPEN THE DOOR! JUST GO!"

"Horatio, listen to me..-"

"I'M NOT GOING TO LISTEN! JUST PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Horatio, I will not leave you alone. Not until you open that door and talk to me."

"OH YEAH? THEN YOU'RE GONNA WAIT FOR A VERY LONG TIME!"

"I don't care Horatio. I'm gonna sit here until you come out of that bathroom. You know you can't hide in there forever."

"Why are you doing this? Why?" Horatio softened his tone. Calleigh could hear him whimpering again.

"Because I love you and right now, you need me. So, I'll be there for you like you were there for me."

"I'm not even worth your love. I don't deserve you at all."

"Now that's where you're wrong. You're the only man that deserves all the love. And I'm very lucky to have you, to be able to shower you with all the love." Calleigh paused. "I can assure you that I'm not going anywhere until you open that door. Even if it takes days."

Slowly, the door opens and Horatio appeared in the doorway, looking disheveled, and eyes red and puffy from the crying. He looked like a broken man. Calleigh stepped forward, took him into her arms and held him there. He broke down again in her arms. "Shhh.. it's going to be fine Handsome. I'm here.." She tried to calm him down. "Everything's going to be fine. It's only a dream."

Horatio broke away from the embrace. "It's not just a dream." He looked down to the floor.

"Then tell me what it is Horatio." He shook his head, not wanting to tell her what the dream was about. He has been keeping it from her since the first day he had it. It was ever since he came back from New York to work on the Henry Darius case with Mac Taylor.

"I can't help you if you're not telling me what it is." Calleigh tried again and he shook his head.

"Not now." He muttered under his breathe.

"Okay but I want you to promise me that you'll tell me once you're ready. Alright?" Horatio just nodded. They didn't go back to sleep since there was only an hour before they have to report for work. Calleigh went down to the kitchen to prepare breakfast while she sent Horatio to have his shower and to get ready for work.

As they reached the lab, there was already a case waiting for them and before Horatio had gone to the morgue to see what Alexx got for him, Calleigh reminded him not to get too affected by the dream although she knew that this past few days, he hasn't been himself.

"Alexx, what have you got for me?"

"Gunshot to her left temporal lobe. It was a close range shot as you can see the stippling around it…"

"Horatio." Stetler barged in into the morgue.

"Yes Rick? Is there anything I can do for you?"

"I need to see you."

"Can't you see I'm busy here Rick?"

"Okay. 5 minutes." Horatio just rolled his eyes.

"So as I was saying.. The angle of direction indicates that this was a suicide. It was an upward angle."

"A suicide?"

"Yes Horatio. Poor baby here must have thought that suicide was the only way out." Horatio just nodded. _'How I wish I could just do that. It's probably going to make everything disappeared.' _He thought. "Case closed?"

"Looks like it Alexx." With that, Horatio went out to see Stetler already waiting for him. "What is this about Rick? What do you want from me?"

"Is there anything you want to tell me? Anything at all?"

Horatio was confused. "No? What is there to tell?"

"I heard you got served when you went back up to New York. What's that about?"

"It's nothing. It was just an old case back when I worked for the NYPD."

"Are you sure? As far as I was informed they're charging you with murder." Horatio started fiddling with his sunglasses.

"Look, it was 10 years ago. I was protecting my mother from a man who was beating her and trying to stop him from killing her. That was it."

"Was your mother killed?" Horatio nodded. "Then why are they still onto you after all these years?" Stetler asked with a sympathetic tone.

"Beats me Rick." Stetler acknowledged him and took off.

Horatio went back to his office to prepare the report on the closed case. There was nothing else and it was a clear evident that it was a suicide case. However, he was distracted by the dream he has been getting. It was a flashback of what had happened that night when his mother was killed. He couldn't bring himself to tell another being. The only person who knew about this was his late-brother, Raymond. He was the only one who knew everything that happened on that night and he knew who Horatio was.

"Hey Handsome." There was no response. Horatio was too deep in thoughts. "Horatio?" She waved at him.

"Oh. Hey Calleigh. When did you come up here?"

"Just. You were thinking about it again weren't you?" She knew that dream has been bugging him all week but Horatio did not want to tell her. He said he wasn't ready for all this. "Horatio, I know you're not ready to tell me yet but I can't watch you get distracted. You know you can't afford to be distracted with your job nature. I can't watch you destroy yourself like this."

"Calleigh, as much as I want to tell you, I just can't. I'm not prepared yet. You might not be prepared to hear all this."

"Try me Horatio."

"Cal…"

"Horatio, I want you to look at me. Look at me and ask yourself if you trust me."

"Calleigh please, don't… I trust you with my life but I just can't tell you yet. I need time."

"I understand that you need time. And as your fiancé, I'm going to respect that." Calleigh kissed him on the cheek and walked towards the door.

"Wait." He walked towards Calleigh and held her hand. "Calleigh, it's not that I don't want to tell you, I want to and I'm dying to do so but I'm afraid you wouldn't look at me the same way ever again. Just give me some time?"

"It's okay. I'll see you at home alright." She smiled and gave a peck on his lips.

Horatio finished up the report that needed to be finished that night and went straight home where Calleigh was already waiting for him. He was already exhausted after the sleepless nights and the reports that have been piling up on his desk. As soon as he reached home, he found Calleigh in the living room watching the television.

"Hey Handsome. I've prepared dinner for you. How about you go take your shower and I'll heat it up for you." She gave him bright smile.

"I'm not hungry."

"No Horatio, you're going to eat even if it's just a little. You haven't been eating well and also haven't been sleeping well. I don't want you to fall sick. And after dinner, I want you in bed okay." She said in an authoritative tone. Horatio lost and had to give in.

"Alright. I'll go take my shower now." With that, Calleigh had prepared his dinner and waited for him. She wasn't going to push him to tell her what's going on. She knew he would tell her when the time comes. Straight after dinner, Calleigh led him to bed, accompanying him till his breathings were slow and steady. She hoped that tonight, he wouldn't have those nightmares.

Calleigh has been wondering what the nightmares were about because whatever it was, it has been bugging him and distracting him. He couldn't focus on his work and on his life. It has been going on for almost a week yet Horatio still hasn't told her. She knew this has got something to do with his past in New York but she never pressed him. She had called Mac up to ask him but he himself didn't know what it was about. After a while, Calleigh had fallen asleep.

"Oh my god! Horatio ge-get off me!" Calleigh coughed in between words as she tried to get Horatio off her. Horatio was on top of her and pressing against her. His strong hands were wrapped around Calleigh's neck in full force.

"Get *cough-cough* off me!" Once again she tried to pull Horatio's hands off her but he was too strong for her.

"I'm going to kill you! You're not getting off this!" Horatio shouted, hands still crushing her neck.

"Horatio..*cough-cough* pl-please..let *cough-cough* me go." She begged.

"Shut up! I'm not letting you go! You're gonna die today!" He shouted, this time in a higher and aggressive tone.

"Ho-ra-tio… you're hu-hurting me." Tears started to roll down her cheeks. She was almost choking.

"Hurting you? Well yes! That's what I'm going to do! I'm going to kill you!" Calleigh slapped his face, trying to wake him up from his sleep but he wasn't waking up. He kept strangling her and kept saying that he wants to kill her.

"Horatio…I can't br-bre*cough-cough*athe.." Horatio's hands were too strong for her and he just won't wake up despite her slappings. She couldn't even push him off her because he was putting all his weight on her. There was only one way out of this.

Calleigh grabbed the lamp on the night stand and slammed it right onto his head twice and hard. The glass shattered immediately upon impact and instantaneously, his grip weakened and he fell to his side.

"Oh my god Horatio. I'm so sorry." Calleigh quickly threw the lamp over and attended to Horatio who was already unconscious and bleeding from his head. She went over to switch on the light to see his condition and immediately called 911 when she saw all the blood on the bed from his wounded head. There was shattered glass on the bed and on his head.

Calleigh left her door unlocked so that the paramedics could come in immediately while she stayed with Horatio.

"I'm so sorry Horatio. I didn't mean for this to happen." She had tears in her eyes as she cradled his head on her lap.

"Ma'am, we need you to step aside while we attend to him." The paramedics had reached within minutes.

Calleigh made a call to Frank to inform him about Horatio and Frank had immediately made his way to Horatio's place. Frank took her statement while the paramedics settled Horatio into the ambulance and they straight away made their way to the hospital.

"So you're telling me that Horatio was trying to kill you?" Frank asked for a confirmation.

"Yes Frank. I think you can already see the bruising on my neck. He was trying to strangle me. And he kept saying that he would kill me."

"Do you know why?"

"No idea Frank. I think it must be his nightmares again. Ever since he came back from New York the other day, he kept having nightmares and it's always been the same. But everytime I ask him what it was about, he wouldn't tell me."

"So you're thinking that what happened earlier has got something to do with his nightmares?" Calleigh nodded. "Well I think right now, even though he's not prepared to tell you, he still has to. He almost killed you!"

"Calleigh Sweetheart…" Alexx came in. "I talked to the doctor attending to Horatio. He's going to be fine. He just suffered from a mild concussion from the blow to his head. It's gonna be nothing serious. I think you've got to talk to him already. Ask him what the nightmares were about before he kills you for real."

Calleigh went to Horatio's room and saw the bandage around his head. _'I must have hit him so hard.' _She thought. Horatio was looking so pale and so vulnerable. The nightmares have changed him and he has lost his focus on many things. Just the other day he almost got shot by an armed robber. If not for Eric, Horatio would have been dead by now. She knew that she has to ask him and press him to tell her about his nightmares. She couldn't take this any longer. She wouldn't allow the nightmares to destroy him. Or her.

Calleigh went to the washroom to clean off the blood on her hands and she was very much shocked at the bruising around her neck. Horatio had definitely gripped around her neck too hard. Part of her was furious at him but another part of her knew that he didn't mean for this to happen. He probably didn't realize it. She quickly washed up and went back to Horatio.

The moment Calleigh went back to him, his eyes were flickering and he was starting to stir. "Horatio, can you hear me? Wake up Horatio…" He opened his eyes slowly and the first thing he did was to apologize to Calleigh when he saw the bruising on her neck.

"I'm really sorry Calleigh." His eyes reflected regret and guilt.

"Don't Horatio. Just get well. And you know what I want from you right now." Horatio looked at her in full understanding of what she meant. He knew she wanted the truth from him. He could only nod in understanding.

The next few days, Horatio was discharged. It was a miracle that they managed to keep him in the hospital for a few days because Horatio being Horatio, would not stay in the hospital even for a day. Knowing that Calleigh would be mad at him, he actually listened to the doctor and stayed a few days until he got better.

At home, Horatio knew that he couldn't escape Calleigh. He knew that she would ask questions about the other night and the nightmares. This time, he knew she wouldn't let him off but he wasn't prepared.

"Horatio…" Calleigh reached out for his hand. "I need you to tell me the truth…" She spoke soothingly.

"I…I…Can't. Not yet Calleigh…" Horatio didn't look into her eyes.

"This is it Horatio. You've got to tell me the truth. You can't hide everything from me. You know it."

"B-but…"

"No buts! Either you tell me right now or I'm out of here!" Calleigh berated.

"Cal…"

"Don't you Cal me Horatio! You almost killed me by strangling me the other night! God knows what else you're capable of doing!" She shouted at him and immediately regretted those words. She stood up and as she wanted to leave, Horatio grabbed her arm.

"Sit down Calleigh. If you want the truth, I'm going to give you the truth. But promise me one thing. I beg you not to change your opinion of me." Horatio couldn't look at her.

"Horatio, remember this, I love you and nothing can change that. Whatever it is that you're going to tell me, it's not going to change that fact."

"Alright.. here it goes…" he muttered under his breathe.

"I'm not who you think I am Cal…" Calleigh looked at him, confused. "I'm not the Horatio you know." Calleigh looked more confused than before.

"I don't get you Horatio, I really don't."

"Those nightmares I've been having… those are from my past…" He looked down onto his hands.

"Your past in New York…" His head shot up and looked at her.

"You knew?"

"Not the whole story. But I'm a CSI.. You started having those nightmares after you came back from New York. So I figured it must be it." Horatio just nodded and handed over an envelope to her. "What's this?"

"Open it." Calleigh opened it and gasped when she started reading it.

"MURDER?" Calleigh asked. She was taken aback at what she had read. _'Horatio charged with murder? How can this be even possible?' _She thought.

"Yes. Back when I was in New York, working for the NYPD, I got myself into this."

-Flashback-

"MOM!" Horatio shouted across the room as he found his mother lying on the ground motionless, being beaten by a man.

"This bitch is as useless as you are Horatio!" That man screamed at him.

"Don't you dare speak about her in that manner old man!"

"Who are you calling old man? I'm your father! You should be respecting me!"

"Respect? You want respect from me? Not a chance old man!" Horatio spat on the older man.

"Who do you think you are young man! Spitting on your father like that!" The older man said as he went towards his wife, kicking her around like a rugged doll. Horatio quickly took him by his collar and swung his fist on the older man's face, full force. Blood splattered out of his mouth.

"You ingrate bastard! I raised you up and this is how you repay me!" The older man shouted. He tried to punch Horatio but he missed. Instead, his hands reached for a knife on the kitchen counter and quickly grabbed the woman lying on the ground.

"Come nearer and I'll slit her throat." He warned.

"Don't you dare! I'm gonna kill you myself with my bare hands if anything happens to her!"

"Try me!" Horatio took a step forward and cringed when he saw his father dug the knife deeper into his mother's skin.

"Let her go and settle this as men!" Horatio shouted at his father but his father refused and instead of letting her go, he put more force on the knife. Horatio took a step forward again, this time, with a knife in his hand.

"I'm serious. I'm going to slit her throat if you come nearer." Horatio didn't care. He lunged right onto him but it was too late. His father had slit her throat and she was already dead while Horatio, he made his move and plunged his knife plunged into his father's chest, right through the heart. His father was dead.

He turned around and saw his brother in shock. "Ray…I'm sorry…" He said as he walked slowly towards his brother.

"I'm calling 911 now. And Horatio, this never gets out of this house. Remember that. It was just an act of defense." Raymond assured him.

-End of Flashback-

"Oh dear.. So that was why you wanted to kill me the other night. You dreamt of it and thought I was him…" Calleigh had tears in her eyes. Horatio nodded.

"I'm sorry…" He whispered.

"It was defense Horatio. That's all it was. Why are they still onto you?"

"I don't know. But what I know is that they're charging me with murder."

"After all these years?"

"Yes. After all these years." Their moments were interrupted by the ring of Horatio's cellphone.

"Caine… Rick? Yes? What is it? The charges were what? Oh… okay… thank you for that.." Horatio clicked off and put away his phone.

"What's up?" Calleigh asked when she saw Horatio smiled slightly.

"That was Stetler. He said the charges were dropped. And he told me not to ask how and why. He just said the trial was evicted."

"Stetler knows but I don't? I'm your fiancé and I don't even know about this? Horatio…I really don't understand you. I'm your wife-to-be but you don't trust me with such an important issue. How are we going to build a life together if you yourself can't trust me?"

"Cal please…I trust you even with my life. I just didn't want you to think otherwise of me."

"And that simply proves that you actually doubt my love to you Horatio! Oh my god. I can't believe this. The man I love doubts my love to him!" She blared.

"Calleigh, listen to me please. I never doubted your love and I trust you in every way. It's just that being charged with murder isn't something to be proud of. I'm ashamed of it. I killed my own father Calleigh." Horatio broke down immediately and sobbed in between his words. He couldn't take it any longer.

Calleigh saw how broken and wrecked he was. She knew this time that Horatio was really affected by it. She was going to see Stetler right now and then.

"Stetler!" She was meeting him at the lab. "Talk to me."

"What's this about Ms. Duquesne?"

"Horatio."

"The charges? It was dropped."

"Why? I want to know why."

"Ms. Duquesne, I told him not to ask why or how. I don't even know. I was called and told that the charges were dropped. That's all."

"That's it? Dropped and nothing else? Just dropped?" Stetler only nodded.

Back at home, Horatio was still sobbing endlessly.

"Brother…" Someone called out. "Ray…? You're dead. You can't be here!"

"That's right it's me. I'm not dead Horatio. I just disappeared. And I'm here because I know I can trust you with this. Leave it behind Horatio, it's over. You defended and tried to protect her and it's not your fault that he died."

"But I held the knife Ray. I stabbed him. Even though he already killed her."

"No Horatio, you did that to save her. It was defense. I know mom wouldn't want you to blame yourself and neither do I. Please Horatio, leave it behind. You have a future ahead of you with a woman who loves you. Don't let that go like I did with Yelina."

"But…"

"Not buts. Look at me, you did it to save mom. That's all you did. It was defense. That son-of-a-bitch deserved it. Remember how he made your life and our lives hell? He deserved that. Just remember this, it was an act of defense and nothing else. The charges were dropped."

"It was you?" Ray nodded.

"Yes it was and now, it's time for me to go Brother. You take care and leave it all behind. No one is blaming you." With that, Raymond Caine made a swift move out of the apartment, unseen by anyone.

Calleigh came home to find Horatio at the patio, sitting and looking calm with wine glass in his hand. "Horatio?" She called out. "You alright?"

Horatio smiled at her. "I will be Sweetheart. I will be. Can you forgive me?"

"What happened Horatio?"

"I just got some closure. I talked to Ray…" He knew that what Ray had talked some sense into him and he knew that it was time to leave the past behind and stop blaming himself.

"What? Are you sure you're okay Handsome?" She looked at him confused and checked if his pupils were dilated and if he was hallucinating.

"I'm okay Sweetheart. I'm not hallucinating. I'm really fine." Horatio kissed her and chuckled. "Wine?"

**End :)**

**Thank you for reading please Review :)**


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